WHY DO MASTERS SWIM ?  

So after this whinging tirade of a grumpy old man in the last issue, you have to ask the question 'why do we keep going back ?'

The first reason is that way back in July when I joined, I was told it was £2 per session.  I've been attending for quite a while and at £2 per session, I'm expecting quite a big cheque in the post any day now.
 
The second reason might be that we all like a beating now and again and perhaps we don't mind coach playing at school mistress (as long as she doesn't leave marks).

Third reason, maybe its that British spirit that we just wont be beaten down no matter how hard the task.

Some say membership is worth it just for the social side of mixing with the opposite sex dressed in wet lycra but the question has to be asked - how will your partner stand for this aquatic infidelity?  No worries there, as soon as they come and witness the event and see their better-halves gasping for breath, exhausted and good for nothing at the end of it.

So are the grumpy old men and charming ladies going to keep up all this swimming ? - you bet - the big question is still why ?

I think the answer to the question is a mum and dad thing.  You know the time the kids ask "dad, could you wrestle a crocodile" and you answer "yes, but there aren't any round here".  Then you get "can you climb the walls like Spiderman" you say yes, but decline as it would mark the wall paper.  Then the killer question, "dad, can you swim like Thorpedo ?".  You casually say "yes (without thinking) but we haven't got a pool" and quick as a flash they remind you that you're taking them to swimming club and you could join in then - got you there !
 
Do the Master come back for more because of the quality of the coaching and their qualifications ?  You obviously need to be able to stand on one leg and gyrate as elegantly as possible (Terry excepted).  The ability to read and write hieroglyphics on a white board and then explain them to the swimmers with a typical Gestapo like smile is a distinct advantage.  Perhaps most of all, a coach has to care enough to beat the living daylights out of the students - it's for their own good!
 
Remember, we swim because we love our coach and, of course, they love us back - just the same way your mum and dad does.  You know the mum and dad that says this will hurt me more than it hurts you.  The mum and dad and makes you wear Woolworth's trainers when all your friends have Nike.  The mum and dad that let you go to a party but insist you're home by 8:30pm.  The mum and dad that make you eat broccoli even though it makes you puke - get the idea ?

Trust me - coaches, like parents, love you really deeply - they just have a really strange way of showing it.